The moment comes round every (most) couple of years, when we sit down and enjoy, laugh at, cry at and often question the latest song to label our national football team as potential European or World Champions. After all, we need something to keep our hopes aloft and mask our team of consistently under-performing, excuse ridden plonkers. So, Roy Hodgson, if you’ve got a headache trying to figure out your starting XI for this year’s Euros, fear not, here’s another team of eleven who could potentially fare us in better stead in France this summer.
Grandad Roberts And His Son Elvis – ‘Meat Pie, Sausage Roll’ (1998 World Cup)
An absolute howler as far as any song goes. The not so successful song for England’s 1998 World Cup campaign is reminiscent of some of those woeful displays we’ve seen in recent years.
One of the more up lifting songs there’s been and one which marked England’s nearly heroes of Italia ’90. Expect to hear this tune being thrown about again this year.
Ant & Dec – ‘We’re On The Ball’ (World Cup 2002)
Don’t expect to be hearing this again however. For it’s time, the witty video and cheeky Geordie vocals were probably the catchiest things around.
New Order – ‘World In Motion’ (World Cup 1990)
Another gem from Italia ’90 and one of the best England football songs ever. How a band as big as New Order were convinced to do a World Cup song we’ll never know, but boy did they do a great job and in the process of doing so, made John Barnes look like the British Ice Cube.
Embrace – ‘World At Your Feet’ (World Cup 2006)
Probably the most ‘alternative’ track you’re going to get in this line up I’m afraid. It’s not great, let’s be honest. About as painful to listen to as it has been to watch Emile Heskey play up front for our beloved country all these years.
Spice Girls feat. England United – ‘(How Does It Feel To Be) On Top Of The World’ (World Cup 1998)
This blooper of a song is very questionable as the formidable duo of the Spice Girls and Echo And The Bunnymen combine forces to create one of the cheesiest/creepiest videos of all time.
Bell & Spurling – ‘Sven Sven Sven’ (2001)
As you know, every team needs a manager, whether they’re good or not is another question. Sven Goran Eriksson was just so average, two fellas decided to make a cringeworthy song about him and England’s 5-1 victory over Germany in 2001. Cover your ears, and eyes.
Four Lions – We Are England (2016)
There’s some reasons songs don’t earn the title of ‘official England song’ and this has too many to count. Bez still doesn’t look like he’s recovered from the 90s whilst Shaun Ryder and Goldie parade some of England’s grottiest streets much like the patriotic geezers they are, yet it’s still better than watching our boys in France.